Thursday, March 29, 2012


ONE YEAR LATER. One year already since you've been gone. 365 days without you gracing our earth. 365 days of grief. Of loss. Of pain. Of heartache. Of mourning. People say that time heals the pain. It doesn't. It doesn't lessen the depth of the pain.  It only helps reduce the inflammation of the number of times that I think of you and cry only--without following it up with a happy memory of you. It only serves a a tracking device to count the number of times I've missed you. We've missed you.

I posted on your Facebook page this morning. This is what I typed:

One year ago already. The time has flown by and the time has stood still. Life keeps moving forward and while I feel you with me, with us, I miss your physical presence here on earth. The world misses it. Misses you.

Crazy (or not so crazy) enough, I had a dream about you this morning. The short version, you were talking to dad after awakening from a long nap. You had an opened plastic Easter egg in your hand and were chatting with him, chewing while you were talking. I realized that what you were eating were Jelly Bellies. You were talking and joking with Dad that these were part of your "protocol" for your treatment for leukemia. Yep. You said "protocol." So typical of you to throw humor into the situation. I miss you. I miss your smile. I miss your laughter. I wish there were do overs in life. I wish I could heal the hurt, heal the loss that is in the hearts of those you left behind.
I can't. But I can pray for strength for all of us. I can pray for a cure for cancer. I can pray for your amazing kiddos; for strength, peace, safety, good health, and happy hearts for them. I can pray that I am a better mother, Christian, wife, spouse, teacher, friend, HUMAN BEING. I can move forward, trying to live my life by your example. For one short person, you sure set the bar exceedingly high! I love you. Always and forever. TNT. Suzer

03.09.1962 - 03.29.2011

Love you. Always and forever. TNT.
~ Suzer


  1. I'm hurting for you Suz and can't imagine what you and your family have been through. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

  2. Thinking of you. Big hugs.

  3. My heart aches for you as I read this Suz and see the amazing photo.


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